In the Dark
by Artistard3
Summary: Jade and Beck have a late night talk where she tells him about how she tried to kill herself. Bade centric *might be triggering*


**WARNING: This might be sensitive or triggering to suicidal people.**

 **Thanks for reading this piece. I know it's not a topic people like to discuss but it's something really important to me. If you ever are considering taking your own life, please tell somebody. It doesn't make you weak!**

They were hanging out at night, laying in the dark, bodies intertwined in his RV. Jade's hair was tied up in a bun to keep it out of her face and she was wrapped up so close to Beck that you couldn't tell where she began and where he ended.

Beck and Jade had their most intimate talks in the dark at night when it was just the two of them. Jade felt more comfortable being vulnerable when it was pitch black and she didn't have to look at him in the eye.

Beck was lightly brushing his fingers on her rib cage absentmindedly.

They were having a conversation that Jade thought she wouldn't ever share with anyone. She never was able to work up the courage to tell anyone besides her parents who already knew.

Beck had been talking for a while about how his cousin committed suicide and it was tearing him up inside. His cousin was all the way in Canada but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It was actually worse because Beck felt like he wasn't there enough for him and didn't notice anything wrong.

Jade could feel her heart beating rapidly. "I... I've tried to kill myself before." She admitted.

Beck wrapped a comforting arm around her. But felt like he had been punched in the gut, not knowing that about Jade at all.

"Babe... when? Why?" He asked gently.

"This is really hard to talk about" she said quietly, hearing her words echo against the walls of the RV. She searched for his hand and laced it with hers for comfort.

"Take your time. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I want to. I tried it for the first time when I was seven. My parents were fighting so much and it was always about me and how I was causing financial trouble and how I wasn't acting like a normal kid and I was weird. I put a plastic bag over my head and tried to suffocate myself but it didn't work obviously," she said.

He gasped quietly. "Baby," he said.

"You think I'm crazy," Jade said.

"No I don't. I promise. I'm upset that you've tried to kill yourself but I don't think you're crazy. And I love you no matter what. Always," he said.

She sighed.

"I've never told you this but I used to harm myself. Well I still do. I might as well tell you everything. I stole my grandpa's lighter and used to burn myself and tried to scrape my skin with my hair accessories whenever I was upset. Now I just... uh, use a blade. Anyways. I was thinking about setting myself on fire and daydreaming about what it would be like to die, like almost constantly for about a year. I tried to drown myself in the bathtub when I was 12, but I couldn't go through with it because I kept thinking about my little brother and my mom..." she explained.

"That's really dangerous," he told her.

"I know. I'm trying to stop. It's just really hard. When I was 13 I tried to overdose but my mom found me a took me to the hospital. Fuck, this is really hard," she said quietly, practically speaking into his skin.

"Right after I got out of the hospital literally about a week later I keep thinking about how I was such a failure I couldn't even commit suicide correctly. I tried to slit my wrists and overdose at the same time but my brother actually found me and he saved me that time. I got put into a fucking mental hospital for a 72 hour watch and psych evaluation. God I can't believe I'm telling you this. I've never told anyone besides my family," Jade said. He kissed her forehead.

"Thanks for trusting me." He said.

"I've been doing good since then. Since I started high school and I met you," she told him.

"Do you still think about killing yourself? Do you still hurt yourself?" He asked, scared about the answer.

"I mean, yeah. I haven't tried to kill myself since I was thirteen, which is a good sign," Jade answered.

"Do you still hurt yourself?" He asked, biting his lip. He hadn't noticed that he had started crying, a gently trail that made no sound.

"Why do you think I like scissors so much?" Jade chuckled sardonically.

"That's not funny. You hurting yourself is serious," he said.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't do it that much. I swear I'm trying to stop. It's just not that easy. I keep falling into old habits," she replied.

"If you ever feel like hurting yourself or killing yourself, please let me know. I don't know what I would do without you. I know you probably feel like a pit of darkness with no light at the end of the tunnel. But you're my light, Jade. I love you more than anything in the world," he said, tearing up and trying to wipe it away so she wouldn't catch it.

Their relationship had only improved from there. Being that open with each other and giving one another that trust really helped Jade calm down and try to think positively.


End file.
